Last Saturday saw me and my man at the cinema in Central World Plaza to watch The Incredible Hulk. It wasn’t a particularly exceptional film, but it wasn’t bad either. I enjoyed it anyway because of two words: Edward Norton.

But I digress. The film ended about 10 PM, and we left Central World shortly thereafter. We walked about a couple of blocks towards the Pratunam area to catch our bus home. Right in front of Platinum Mall is a rather narrow walkway, so we had to walk single file. I went first, my man brought up the rear. Walking towards us from the opposite direction were 3 Thai men. I didn’t think much of it.

When I was level with the first guy, he sort of leered at me, but I ignored him. I’m used to dirty leers and jeers from men, and I’ve found that it’s way better to simply ignore them and not give them the satisfaction of my attention. From what I gathered later, he made a gesture which led the boyfriend to think that he grabbed me. Naturally, my man reacted and gave him a nasty look. The next thing I knew, all 3 men have jumped him from behind, so he didn’t really get a chance to defend himself. They were all fists and elbows and knees, muay thai style, while my man fought to stay on his feet as he tried to get them off him.

At this point, I was screaming for help at the top of my lungs. It was surreal, like something out of a movie. I wasn’t really thinking at all at that point, so I acted on instinct. I hit and poked the men randomly with my trusty umbrella (one of those pointy-tip ones). I must have hurt one of them because he moved as if to strike me across the face. I sort of cowered and waited for the blow to come, but it didn’t. I think he still had some decency left not to strike a woman.

At this point, my man already managed to break free from their clutches, so I took his arm and dragged him away towards the crowd gathering. The men started walking away in the opposite direction. My man tried to tell a security guard who was in the crowd to call the cops. The man just sort of gaped at us with his mouth open like an idiot. Upon hearing the word ‘police’, one of the 3 men came back (the guy who was walking first) and threatened my man with something from his pocket. I imagine he had a knife in there or something.

There was a cab parked at the curb and the driver was gesturing at us frantically to get in, so I dragged the boyfriend into the cab. At this point, the adreline had worn out. I was shaking like a leaf and quite hysterical. My man had about 5 nasty bumps on his head. I wanted to go to the hospital, but he and the cab driver had other plans.

We drove around for about 5 minutes looking for a police outpost. We found one just past a BTS station (I think it was Ratchethewi). There were about 5 policemen milling around at the sidewalk. The cab stopped, and the boyfriend told me to stay inside while he and the driver dealt with them. The moment they saw the driver and my boyfriend with his torn shirt and head bumps, they literally scattered and disappeared faster than non-existent electronic cigarette ashes.

There were 2 policemen left who didn’t want to help at all. They kept shaking their heads and putting up their hands. But the cab driver was adamant that they help us and my boyfriend told them he was working in Bangkok as a teacher, so after about 5 minutes of talking, they finally decided to do something about it. We gave the cab driver some money for his trouble and got into the back of the police cruiser. We then drove back towards the scene of the crime.

Of course, our attackers were nowhere to be found by then. My man, heroic as he is, jumped out of the cruiser and ran out towards the direction they were headed. The cops didn’t move at all. I had all sorts of scenarios in my head, that the men were lying in wait to stab him and stuff like that (shoot me, I’m female), so I started to get hysterical again. I practically screamed at one of the cops to go with him, so he did, probably to get away from the shrieking banshee that I was turning into.

Needless to say, they didn’t find those men, just as I expected. The police dropped us off and waited for us to get into a cab safely – probably the only thing that they actually did right that night. I’m just thankful that we got out of the harrowing situation with nothing more than a few bumps, one missing umbrella (my boyfriend’s), and a bent one.

That was by far the scariest thing that has ever happened to me, including getting mugged at knife point back in university. Almost a week after the incident, I still find myself shuddering at the memory of those men pummeling my boyfriend’s head. It hurt me so much that they hurt him for almost no reason at all.

A friend asked me how I could’ve had the presence of mind to hit them with my umbrella (Mary Poppins style, as it had come to be known). She said she would’ve either run away, or fainted. I personally don’t think so. When someone you love is under attack like that, you just can’t run away. Instead, you’ll do everything you can to stop it, as futile as it may seem, regardless if you’ll end up putting your own life in jeopardy in the process.

Some people would probably call that stupid. I call it love.