Comments on: Chapter One

By: Kaye

Kaye — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 08:40:53 +0000

Iris, this story sounds sooo much like one of those “Maalaala Mo Kaya” episodes every Wednesday nights before… Eek! I used to live in a neighborhood in Rotterdam where my neighbor is a Filipina who is married to an old Dutchman… Um, I guess you get the picture…

Kayes last blog post..An Ode to Wendy

By: Giacomo

Giacomo — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 11:44:44 +0000

“Like foot steps in our mind toward the doors that we never opened.”

Some guy wrote that once. Don’t remember who, I’m afraid

By: iris

iris — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:32:52 +0000

@Giacomo: That’s strange, considering that it’s an ongoing theme for this blog. No biggie, though.

By: Giacomo

Giacomo — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 07:23:34 +0000

Eeh, actually, I didn’t. I better withdraw. It would akward otherwise, I gather!

By: iris

iris — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:28:36 +0000

@Giacomo: Although I’m not averse to making new friends, you do realize that I am very much firmly attached, right? LOL.

By: Giacomo

Giacomo — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 03:03:58 +0000

By the way, please, bear in mind, I’m not necessarily asking for a date.

I was thinking, it just might be fun and interesting to meet someone, who I may have something in common with.

P.S. I’m not a fat, bald, old farang. But I’m some ten (ehh, 14) years older than you!

By: Giacomo

Giacomo — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:41:06 +0000

Busy Iris, too busy to meet one of these days? And yes, I’m persistent. Good or bad, as the thai’s would ask!?:-)

By: iris

iris — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:14:07 +0000

@Giacomo: My, my, you are persistent! I only meant that I’m too busy writing to make a living right now that I have absolutely no time – or focus – to even do something big and meaningful like writing a novel. One day, perhaps, but most likely not in the immediate future; unless, of course, I somehow turn out to be an heiress to a huge fortune. LOL.

I do appreciate the help, though. And I do intend to make good use of all your (and Sue’s) advice one day. Then you’ll definitely be in my thank-you list!

By: Giacomo

Giacomo — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:11:18 +0000

Try to notice the difference between “showing” and “telling”.

When you “show” the writing becomes much more active. It creates images in the readers mind.

When you “tell” it doesn’t create images!

By: Giacomo

Giacomo — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:43:12 +0000

By the way, in your story you have a run-down, chubby woman working in a bar.

As an example, you could create a scene, to show she’s like that:

“Belen tried to squeeze herself between two chairs i the bar-room. Non of the guys sitting on chairs noticed her. They didn’t even move them to make space for her. She felt clumsy and humiliated. She had to get through on her toes or else her belly would be in the way. She wasn’t very tall.”

Or something like that…