Goddess, I Am.

And so dewy Iris flew down from the sky on saffron-colored wings, trailing a thousand different colors across the sun… - From Virgil’s Aeneid

My new job has me helping kids write their college application essays for US universities. These are rich kids with hefty trust funds, yes, but they’re also kids who want to make something out of their lives. It’s fun helping them write their essays because their lives are so incredibly colorful and interesting. Most of them are still about to start their senior year in high school, but they’ve already accomplished so many things that most adults will never be able to achieve in their lifetimes. It made me think about myself in high school and what I was up to, which was pretty much no good. Here’s how my college essays would’ve looked like if I had the same opportunities as they do.

Intellectual Interests Essay:

I like to think of myself as a student of the world, not of the classroom. Because of this self-styled belief, learning in school has never been my ‘thing’. I was too busy trying to stay awake to make heads and tails of the Pythagorean Theorem, or how Magellan got his ass kicked in Mactan. But that is not to say that I didn’t learn anything in high school. Au contraire. If anything, I learned things that were far more valuable than mathematical formulas, or the life of Jose Rizal.

Probably the most important lesson I learned was that I didn’t necessarily need to listen in class to pass my exams. Instead, I just needed to read through my textbooks' table of contents at the very last minute. This technique was so effective, in fact, that I was always the first to submit my test paper for checking. I never got perfect scores, but I never failed either. Sometimes, however, there are isolated cases wherein such a technique is ineffective. In these cases, I found that a teeny-tiny piece of paper and a very fine pencil will come in handy. Of course, it helps to have 20/20 vision.

During my junior year, I went through a phase of enthusiasm for my classes; two, in particular. I loved chemistry class and the incredibly complex experiments that it demanded. These were so complicated, in fact, that me and my friends spent the whole time huddled around a Bunsen burner, having intelligent discussions on the latest news from the Backstreet Boys or Hanson. I also started looking forward to mid-morning Social Studies when the teacher would lock the door and let us do our thing. He had a hernia, you see, and therefore had more important things in his mind than teaching disinterested teenagers the Law of Supply and Demand. That year, I learned the economic differences of having three players in a game of tong-its (a card game) instead of two.

Lastly, I learned that laughing at my English teacher for mispronouncing words was a very good way to get myself sent to the principal’s office, which was almost always empty. I also learned that serving Chinese takeaway in my Home Economics cookfest was likely to give me a reputation of being a very fine cook. Most of all, I learned that I couldn’t reach my toes in Phys.Ed – and I never will.

Describe an experience that shaped you as a person.

During my freshman year, I was chosen to be one of the two representatives of my class for the Miss United Nations ’95 beauty pageant. I won first runner-up – quite a mean feat for someone so young. The Miss UN and I then represented the high school department for the university-wide pageant. I didn’t win. I did, however, catch the audience’s attention after I almost burned another candidate’s traditional Filipino headdress with the traditional Filipino candles that were part of my traditional Filipino ensemble. I was also the youngest contestant to have ever joined that pageant, and I developed a campus queen complex.

A few months later, my class staged a fashion show for our Home Economics class, a very well-attended event. I was the star of the show, appearing in the bridal finale as the bride ‘marrying’ one of my classmates who was transformed from a pimpled adolescent to an over-foundationed groom. I was confident that I would win the ‘Best Model’ award. Much to my surprise and chagrin, however, the award was given to one of my classmates. I had barely left the stage when I started getting hysterical. I was the Miss UN first runner-up and I represented my department in the school-wide pageant, so I should have won Best Model, too!

I was humiliated and inconsolable for days. I only realized later that I humiliated myself even more by reacting that way. I realized that I was a sore loser, and this has shaped me into the person that I am today. I've learned that I shouldn’t let my ego get ahead of myself. I've learned that I should at least appear to be modest - even when I’m not. Most importantly, I've learned never to join a beauty pageant ever again. Of course, it helped that I haven’t grown an inch since.

How can you contribute to the institution’s diversity? Describe a situation where this contribution was applied.

My high school department was tiny; so small, in fact, that we only had one class for each of the four levels. I was my class’ designated songbird. Whenever there was a singing contest, I took center stage. I wasn’t particularly good, but there was no one else courageous enough to volunteer in my stead, so I had to do it.

Without fail, I always placed third out of four contestants – which pretty much meant that I was the second worst singer of the bunch. That was fine, though, because at least I wasn’t the absolute worst. Besides, they gave prizes until third place, so in my four years of high school, I accumulated a healthy collection of staplers and Stabilo Boss highlighters.

My singing days ended soon after when my voice broke for no apparent reason. I now sing in screeches and wails. I could still very much carry a tune, however, and with rather shocking accuracy. Suffice to say, I am one of the best bad singers I know, and I could definitely contribute to the university’s diversity this way. After all, there can only be too many good singers, and even more bad ones. By being a good bad singer, I’m offering your good institution the best of both worlds.

Ahhh, yes. Definitely Harvard or at least Princeton material...if I do say so myself.