Goddess, I Am.

When I was about 7 years old, my parents split up. They married much too young (she was 16, he was 17). As if that wasn’t bad enough, my dad fancied himself as some sort of Don Juan. Throw in a domineering mother-in-law (my dad’s mum) and a very dysfunctional family (mum’s), and I guess you could say that they had all the odds against them right from the start.

Growing up, I understood that this was the way things were. I grew up as well-adjusted as I could possibly be, considering the circumstances, and never let it bother me. I never expected, therefore, that this would haunt me someday.

I am afraid of a lot of things, but one thing I’ve found that I’m afraid of most is ending up with a failed marriage like my parents. The Hub and I are both headstrong, opinionated, and stubborn, and neither of us are pushovers. As a result, our fights – and there are plenty – tend to be extremely heated and sometimes quite ugly. I hate it, and I know he does, too. But when you both think – no, believe – that you are right and the other is wrong, it becomes a seemingly endless cycle of hurts and tears and unkind words. Rational thought flies out the window, red is all one sees, and we’re left with anger – uncontrollable, burning, and frightening anger.

Because of this, I find myself afraid. Afraid that our marriage is just going to topple over without warning like one of those cardboard displays left outside to face the unforgiving elements for far too long. Afraid that we’ll go too far and say too much that we will get to a point where there will be no turning back. Afraid that the next fight will be another fight too many. And most of all, afraid that no amount of love and kisses and gargantuan efforts to be better people will ever be enough to fix whatever flaw we might have that made us like this.

I want our marriage to work more than anything else in the world. I don’t ever want to give up like my parents before me and every other couple in the world who has. But how does one fight one’s self when one loses control?

One of the things that I missed most when I moved to Thailand was Filipino food. I absolutely loathed the shit that they tried to pass off for food in that country, and after living there for nearly a year and a half, I’ve had enough. It was no wonder, then, that the moment I set foot in my own country, I attacked Filipino food like it was going out of fashion.

Months later, I was a good 15 pounds heavier and finding it next to impossible to cut down on food. It didn’t help that I worked from home and maintained a largely sedentary lifestyle. With my wedding a month away, I decided to take matters into my own hands and started taking fat burners.

This is what I looked like on my birthday back in March (my arms = ick), a few days before I started ‘em pills (and yes, that’s Chinese food you’re seeing – patatim, anyone?):

This is what I looked like – post pills – on my wedding:

This is what I looked like on vacation with the family a few weeks later – and what I still look like now (I slouch and it’s bad, I know!):

Whoever said weight isn’t everything has never lost any. It feels good!

Yesterday, The Hub and I watched Terminator Salvation, the film that we were waiting for the most this year. I must say that I was a little disappointed. Oh, the film wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t stellar either. Unfortunately, I was expecting it to be nothing short of stellar.

I’m not an expert movie critic, but I’m thinking that most of my disappointment had something to do with the director, McG. I honestly think a better job could’ve been done. He had a tried and tested story, as well as an excellent cast and the technology available to do the story justice. Instead, the pacing was wrong in some places and the CGI of Schwarzenegger looked just that – CGI.

With that said, I found the film still brilliantly entertaining, mostly due to its cast. How pretty is Bryce Dallas Howard? I’m trying to find out if it’s true, but she truly looked pregnant in the film. And then there’s Moon Bloodgood, officially my newest girl crush. She’s so gorgeous that I want to hang myself for not looking like that.

I think Sam Worthington is one actor that we should all be looking out for in the future. I thought he looked a bit like Brian Austin Green, who played Derek Reese on The Sarah Connor Chronicles (the Terminator series made for TV, which Terminator Salvation completely ignored in terms of storyline). I love, love, LOVED Anton Yelchin in Star Trek, and once again, I love, love, LOVED him in Terminator Salvation. How is it possible that this kid is in two of the year’s biggest blockbusters? He must have one hell of a manager.

And of course, there’s Christian Bale. Seriously, the man can do no wrong, even with all the hoopla about that screaming fit he had on the Terminator Salvation set. But then, I had a crush on Christian Bale before it was even fashionable to have a crush on Christian Bale (he was 13 in Empire of the Sun and I was about 7, LOL), so I’m more than a little biased.

He was perfect as John Connor, and my only qualm is that there was only one scene where he had his shirt off and he was covered in friggin’ bandages. Honestly, where is the justice in that? If I was a terminator, however, Christian Bale can definitely do strange things with a barcode scanner on me anytime.

So that’s my little attempt at a movie review. If you haven’t seen Terminator Salvation, then I urge you to do so. It’s seriously good fun, McG or no McG. Here’s hoping they’ll pick a better director next time!

Gaius Julius Caesar’s grandfather, who was also called Gaius Julius Caesar (so was his father, FYI), killed himself with his own sword after being seriously ill for several months with some sort of throat malignancy. His colleagues in the Roman Senate found this extremely courageous.

I do, too. But then, I suppose it’s a lot easier to choose death over life when life meant lying on one’s own excrement and being a burden to one’s family. If I ever had something serious like, say, Mesothelioma cancer, I’ll probably do the same. I want to be kind to my family and kind to myself.

I’m not saying everyone should do this. After all, it’s still a matter of perspective.

No, don’t mind me; I’m just being morbid. Because I can on a rainy Friday afternoon.

Don’t get me wrong. I love chick flicks just as much as the next, umm, chick. In fact, I can go as far as saying that some of my favorite movies of all time are chick flicks (read: Sex and The City The Movie, Little Black Book – the list could go on and on).

Recently, however, I’ve been starting to realize that I actually enjoy guy flicks more. No, I’m not talking about mind-numbing stuff like Die Hard or Hitman (God, no!), nor do I count blockbusters because everyone’s obliged to enjoy them, anyway. I’m talking about movies so male that female members of the cast – if there are even any – hardly ever figure in the story, let alone the dialogue.

It’s a bit sexist, I know, but enjoyable nevertheless. Take the Ocean‘s series, particularly Ocean’s Eleven and Ocean’s Thirteen, for instance. What would one notice, apart from the brilliant cast and glitzy Vegas hotels? Why, the extremely witty repartee, of course! I’ve always loved films with fantastic dialogues, and these two do not disappoint. Neither do The Fight Club, Lucky Number Slevin, and The Italian Job.

I would definitely say, however, that the best ones are probably the British ones – Snatch, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, RocknRolla, Dog Soldiers, and Layer Cake. It’s hard not to enjoy the over-the-top cursing, the almost exaggerated machismo, and plots so fast that you’d feel like you’ve just run a marathon. Yes, where else can you find a guy who has the presence of mind to say, “I hope I give you the shits, you fucking wimp!” just as a ravenously hungry werewolf is about to devour him? It’s a classic to be found only in bravado-packed guy flicks.

The Husband, being British and being someone with a rather excellent collection of movies, would naturally take credit for my newfound appreciation of movies that I’ve never even heard of barely 2 years ago. It’s definitely a well-deserved credit, especially since I plan to watch more of his collection.

But I still draw the line on Die Hard and Hitman.