Goddess, I Am.

And so dewy Iris flew down from the sky on saffron-colored wings, trailing a thousand different colors across the sun… - From Virgil’s Aeneid

For the first time in a long time, I'm breathing. And because I'm breathing, I'm blogging.

Much has happened in the month and a half since I last blogged, and I'm almost embarrassed to post again after I've neglected my poor (not to mention, pricey) dotcom. But when the alternative is letting my brainchild die a slow death like so many others in the past (not to mention Chin's incessant emails of “pag-blog na ba!”), I have no choice but to hunker down and write – not about yoga, not about getting wayward ex's back (don't ask), but about, umm, me. So here goes...

Sometime in September, The Boyfriend and I finally decided that we've had enough of Thailand, its crap, and its citizens (might write a long rant about that in the future) and that we should move to Cebu, my hometown, pronto! The rest of the month just sort of passed by in a blur of overpriced cargo shippers, panic packing, and evil landlords (might be included in said rant). Before we knew it, we were on a plane to the Philippines, saying goodbye and good riddance to the country that we just left.

We arrived in Cebu on the first of October, and since then, we've moved into a lovely 2-bedroom 2-storey house (no more crappy Thai studio apartments, weeeeeee!), bonded with our neighbors (namely my sister next door and my mum two doors down), and caught up with a few friends. The Boyfriend is adjusting quite nicely to the food (no more Thai shit on a plate), and naturally, I tried to eat everything that I missed the moment we landed, so I gained a few pounds and I'm now desperately trying to lose them. We also spent a weekend at the fancy Alegre Beach Resort (courtesy of mum) where we frolicked in 5-star heaven, and found clown fishes a mere 10 feet away from the beach – you don't get that in Thailand!

But probably the biggest news isn't that we left Thailand barely 2 weeks after we decided to, nor is it the idea of The Boyfriend having to get used to a new city in a new country. The big news is – wait for it! - we're engaged! I won't go into the details anymore because Chin has done such a good job of telling it to all and sundry, but the fact is, I'm going to be Mrs. Young soon enough. No, we don't have a date yet, and there's no rush, really. The important thing is we're going there, and I can't wait for the rest of my life!

So here we are a month later – blissfully engaged, very well-fed, and considerably more relaxed than we have ever been in Thailand. I guess no matter how horrible the people are in that country, or how bad the food is, I'm still thankful that I did go when I did. It took a little over a year of living in Thailand to make me realize just how fabulous my Cebu is. Not only that, I learned to travel alone, live on my own, and enjoy my own company. I've come full circle, and somewhere along the way, I found the love of my life.

Now that, my dear friends, is what fairy tales are made of.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not crazy about children. Sure, I'll gush over the occasional baby, and maybe even pinch or kiss it, but only the particularly cute ones. I can only be bothered to play with toddlers whose parents I know, and even then I will only pay attention to the ones without dried snot on their cheeks and ignore those wearing those annoying squeaky shoes.

Still, I can't help but think that this is one baby I'll probably be doting on without end:

No, it's not mine, nor are we planning on having one in the future. This gorgeous little thing is the bun baking in my little sister's oven. He's due early in December, and – surprise, surprise! - he's going to be a boy!

So it looks like I'm going to be an aunt in less than 3 months, and I plan to take this job very seriously. One thing's for sure: no squeaky shoes for this little fella!

Here's a fact that I've never spoken of before: much of Thailand terrifies me. It has nothing to do with the country's current political unrest, or scary Thai wannabe kick boxers who beat people up for no reason, or even Thai food, which is scary enough as it is. No, my fears are far worse than that.

1. I'm afraid of getting a haircut from Thai salons. My last haircut was in April, and that was when I went home to the Philippines for a week. Before that, I forced the boyfriend to trim my hair for me, and he did so with scissors and a ruler – seriously. My hair is now getting rather ridiculously long, but I'm trying to hold out until I go home in a few months.

So one may wonder why I have this silly aversion to Thai hairdressers. The answer is simple enough – if you've ever seen the average Thai hairstyle, you'll understand. The majority of the population – men, women, and children alike – sport mop tops and spikes and the uber popular mullet, and I believe there's nobody else to blame but 'em snip-happy Thai hairdressers. I'd take my chances with the boyfriend and his trusty ruler again rather than take the risk of looking like Billy Ray Cyrus in his heyday.

2. I'm scared of getting my nails done. Again, the last time I had my nails done was on my last Philippine trip. I've been going the DIY route since. Good thing I'm pretty low maintenance in this area, and I've never been much of a fan of nail polish. I simply bite my fingernails into oblivion (a nasty habit that I've been trying to break forever, which is very unlikely now that it turns out the boyfriend does it, too), and use my trusty nail clippers to cut my toenails off and a sharp metal thingy called a 'pusher' to pry out the crap from the sides.

It's gross, I know, but I'd rather do this than visit the so-called Thai experts in this, umm, specialty for many reasons. For one thing, a pedicure here costs 10 times more than what I would pay for a manicure and pedicure back home. For another, their clientele are often seen leaving the salon in those longer-than-normal tacky acrylic nails with even tackier glittery designs. Of course, I can always just refuse, but my Thai is so bad and their English is even worse, and I'm deathly afraid that they'll misunderstand me and cut off my toes instead. Yes, I'd rather pry out my nail crap myself, thank you very much.

3. I'm scared of getting a wax. Waxing hurts, yes, but I can take it. I actually prefer it rather than shaving because I don't have to do it as often. While living in Thailand, however, I have to choose shaving because it's so much safer. As far as I can tell, waxing in Thailand doesn't work, judging from the number of hairy-legged and even (scarily) hairy-toed women I see every day. I swear, they give Frodo Baggins and his little hobbit friends a run for their money.

Plus, they don't do full bikini waxes; they only skirt around the edges like they're scared of something. Believe me, I must have asked all the bikini waxers in greater Bangkok. Well, they can all grow Amazon rainforests down there for all I care, but I'm not gonna.

Indeed, Thailand is a scary place that's definitely not for the fainthearted. I just hope I can get out of here alive without looking like a Jefferson Starship clone with dinosaur nails and a full bush. *shudder*

Being in a relationship has many perks, but I think I actually have more than my fair share by living with the boyfriend. Not only do I have a man who's sexy, smart, and funny, I actually have a man who has a fantastic home theater system. Who would've thought I would ever kinda own (I imagine) a 50-inch high definition LCD TV, a PlayStation3 console that plays hi-def Blu-ray discs, a 7.1 speaker system with a kick-ass amplifier, and almost a hundred Blu-ray movies and about 600 standard definition DVDs, none of them bootlegs? The man even has an electric couch that reclines at the push of a button! Yes, I am indeed living the good life in high definition movie heaven.

Our next-door neighbors, on the other hand, are living in hell. Naturally, razor sharp high definition picture comes with stunning, floor-shaking, earth-quaking, hi-def sound that could literally knock the socks off any unsuspecting soul within earshot. We've had people banging on our door more times than I can count in one hand, usually in the middle of some exciting car chase, or after a massive explosion. So in consideration to our good (yeah, right) neighbors, we turn the volume down just a tad bit. It's a free country, after all, and we still do have the right to enjoy all the best features that our movies offer.

Well, nobody's banged on our door for the past 3 weeks or so. We assumed that everyone's gotten used to the whole idea of having a veritable IMAX theater in our building and they're finally leaving us alone, so I'm not really sure what could've provoked this little surprise we found stuck on our door:

Maybe it was the endless roaring of dinosaurs in Jurassic Park (I forced the boyfriend to let me watch the entire series again), or the nth repetition of P.S. I Love You (also my doing), or even Jason Statham's sexy Cockney accent in The Bank Job. Whatever the reason, all I know is I'm very impressed because the note hardly has any grammar or spelling mistakes – phenomenal for a Thai person. That, and I'll probably stick a packet of earplugs on the poor sod's door.

Freelance writing online is a dangerous business. There's always the risk of meeting spurious 'clients' who might do a runner after you've delivered your end of the bargain. What these people don't understand is writing isn't as easy as it sounds, especially really good writing. We put in the time and the effort for painstaking research just so we can make our clients happy, so it's definitely unfair to be left uncompensated without so much as a 'buh-bye'. That hurts. That hurts a lot.

Such is what happened to one of my very good friends. She's an awesome writer who's practically working for peanuts when she's worth so much more, so really, she doesn't deserve such a treatment. Nobody does. But hey, who says she's just going to lie down and take it? She's now giving away these articles for free for anyone who wants it, so if you're in need of content, these ones are up for grabs! Here's what she says:

FREE 200 SECTION/CATEGORY DESCRIPTIONS FOR THOSE BUILDING CLONES LIKE BUZZLE.COM AND EZINEARTICLES.COM!!!

I kid you not. I am giving away these section/category descriptions for free - 50 free descriptions per person. I have 200 of them to give away.

THE STORY

Weeks back, I was commissioned by Writebros aka Danny Wyler aka dwyler2@gmail.com to write them. I was so gullible I not only worked for him even though he hadn't technically awarded me the project yet, I saw nothing wrong with his terms: no downpayment, full payment only upon project completion.

GETTING SCREWED SEVEN WAYS TO SUNDAY

Well, guess what? After I sent in the last batch of section/ category descriptions, I saw neither mail nor shadow of Danny Wyler. I want to pay that ass back by giving away the descriptions I made for him. Each one exceeds 100 words (some go up to 180 words), by the way, and describes the articles you could find in each section or category. For example, it describes the kinds of articles you could expect to find in the Payroll Section.

The ordering of the sections (or categories) is identical to that of ezinearticles.com

AND NOW, FREEBIES

So, if you need section descriptions, let me know. Those are worthless to me at this point, so you might as well have 50 of them; others can get the remainder. Or, you can make me a ridiculously low offer, say $30, for all 200 descriptions, and I'd even toss in two About Us pages - which I made for that a-hole, too.

For those who are interested, leave a comment with this post. Make sure you fill out the email address field of the comment form, and we'll get back to you - pronto!