Goddess, I Am.

Watching cheesy Tagalog movies is something of a guilty pleasure for me. (Admit it, it’s yours, too!) So because The Bestie had a rare free day, we decided to watch In Your Eyes along with The Sister. After all, how often do we get to watch this sort of crap? Not often enough, I tell you!

Anyhow, the movie certainly did not disappoint in that area. It wasn’t deliciously bad like, say, the classic Sinbad of the Seven Seas, or even the most recent Step Up 3D (hey, at least it was in 3D AND mysterious Asian Glee guy was in it). It was just . . . BAD. Bad casting, atrocious writing, and horrendous acting – you name it, it had it.

But what really struck me most about the whole “badness” of it all was NOT Richard Gutierrez’s horrid and often inappropriate acting, nor was it Ann Curtis’s unbelievably pathetic character. It was Claudine Barreto’s – wait for it! – BODY! Really, how could anyone look so close – emphasis on CLOSE – to needing plus size lingerie yet have anorexic-looking limbs? She looked a lot like a peach that somebody stuck a few toothpicks in as arms and legs!

To illustrate, imagine this little guy in wedges:

Methinks somebody’s been going the (literally) old Belo route. Though I can’t understand why anyone would decide to go there and not just go all the way. Especially when there’s a (supposedly) big movie role that calls for it.

But seriously, how cute is that picture of a smiling peach going fishing? Tee hee.

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It took a while, but I think I now fully understand Pag-IBIG’s housing loan process. And it’s about time, too. I’ve fretted about information that varied from one source to another, paid countless visits to the Pag-IBIG office, and even sat through an excruciatingly boring and useless seminar. Truly, I have suffered to finally achieve this rather elusive, umm, clarity.

So Pag-IBIG, you better not give me the runaround when I turn in those papers you’re demanding of me. There’s a beautiful house positively aching to be built on a mighty fine piece of land near the beach that has our name on it, and a mistress that yearns for the day when she could finally fill it up with both indoor and patio furniture. Do be kind.

They say that by running for Congress (and winning), our president (she of the short stature and high self-regard) is hoping to become Speaker of the House so she can push for the change of our democracy to a parliamentary legislature and ultimately become Prime Minister.

Well, truth be told, from what I know and understand of how a parliament works, I think it would do this country a load of good – that is, as long as we don’t end up with a dwarf for a Prime Minister. I’ve always felt that the very essence of democracy is lost on people as undisciplined, belligerent, stubborn, and insular as the masses that make up the majority of the Filipinos – and most of Asia, for that matter (read: Thailand) – so a tough, authoritarian system of government is long overdue.

But let’s not get into all that, shall we?

Going back to the subject of parliament, how cool would it be if we had a Whip? And no, I’m not talking about ‘em whips of the S&M kind (sorry, Chin!). According to Wikipedia, “whips are party ‘enforcers’, who typically offer inducements and threaten punishments for party members to ensure that they vote according to the official party policy.” Wouldn’t it be cool if our government officials could stop bickering aimlessly for a change, or at least bicker with more sense because there’s someone around to keep them in line?

Oh, what I would do to become a Whip! If I ever do run for public office and become one, I would do the job one better by really wielding a whip. Then I will literally whip any party member who won’t agree to buy phentermine in bulk to reduce the national weight average, or whatever new drama the country might be facing by then.

Do you think it’s too early to start campaigning for the, umm, Whipship? Just a thought.

In a perfect world, people are people, families are small and manageable, everyone’s fashionable, and crooked politicians are lynched.

In the Philippines, grown men act like animals and pee on walls and rocks and anything that stands still long enough, people who have no income to speak of breed like mice, teenagers wear unsightly hip hop clothing, and Erap gets to run for President again and almost wins.

Do you feel as hopeless as I do sometimes?

Practically all my life, I’ve never been political. I could never be bothered to care who was running what and when. Politics – especially Philippine politics – is so messy, dirty, and downright exhausting that it’s hard to keep up, so I never really bothered.

Until now.

I look around at the mess that is my country, and it’s impossible and undeniably selfish not to care. Now, more than ever, we need good, sound, well-grounded leadership, and I believe with every fiber of my being that there’s only one man for the job. That is Gilberto Teodoro, Jr.

I could list a thousand reasons why G1BO deserves to be the next President of The Philippines, but I think I’ve done and said enough on Facebook and Twitter for the past couple of months or so. And at this point, a mere hours before polling officially starts, I don’t think it will make much of a difference.

All I want to say right now – and pardon me for the rather worn-out cliché – is VOTE WISELY! Whatever does that mean these days?

I say it’s looking beyond your personal circumstances and thinking about what this nation needs as a whole. (And really, I’m not talking about how half the population now needs the best fat burners. This country’s needs are a lot more serious than that.)

I say it’s casting aside ridiculous emotions, and recognizing the ones who are deliberately preying on those emotions for no other reason than these are the only aces up their sleeves, the only thing that they can exploit to further their ambitions because they’ve got no skill and no accomplishments to speak of.

Finally, I say it’s voting for someone you truly and steadfastly believe in for the right reasons.

Tonight, I will say a little prayer for My President, My Country, and My People.

We’re being given another chance to do things right. Let us all take it.