Goddess, I Am.

A week ago, we got confirmation that The Husband’s non-immigrant visa was finally approved by the Bureau of Immigration after nearly 3 months of waiting (they told us it’ll be done in 60 days). This meant that he could stay for a year, free and clear, instead of having to extend his tourist visa every 2 months.

So off we went to Immigration Wednesday afternoon to have it implemented. All was well and good for a while – until we were told that we needed to pay for his overstay.

Now, when we applied for the new visa, we had to go through an interview with a Department of Justice fiscal, whose sole purpose was to assess if our marriage was not out of convenience. Naturally, we passed his scrutiny with flying colors – but that’s beside the point. I asked him as we were concluding the interview if we needed to extend The Husband’s current tourist visa while we waited for approval, and he said we didn’t have to because we already had an application for another visa on the system (or something to that effect). We thought that was the end of it.

Anyway, as I said, we were told to pay for overstay. I explained the situation, and they simply shrugged it off as misinformation. So I looked at the chart that showed the immigration fees, and I figured, P500 a month isn’t so bad. I didn’t want to argue, so I told The Husband we’ll just pay and get it over with. After all, a nearly 3-month overstay would only cost about P1500, right?

How wrong I was! Horror of all horrors, we were slapped with a P6000-something bill for the two missed visa extensions (that we were advised was unnecessary in the first place) ON TOP of the P1500 overstay! Again, we stated our case to someone who had the looks of someone more senior, who (predictably) shrugged it off like everyone else.

The Husband was ready to blow, I could tell, but I managed to calm him down. I knew that this being the Philippines, it’s never a good idea to piss off those who wield what little bit of power they have like it’s the freaking Excalibur.

Anyhow, we paid up, and were again slapped with another P8000 bill to implement the new non-immigrant visa and the ACR-I card. We were already expecting this, however, so we paid up without a peep. Still, it hurt.

But it didn’t end there. They required a ton of paperwork, and each sheet of paper needed a gazillion copies – copies that they don’t do themselves, I might add. I had to take frequent trips to the photocopiers outside the Immigration office and pay for the copies (and the folders and brown envelopes that they required at the very last minute) myself. For this visit alone, I spent nearly P200 on photocopies. Considering the exorbitant fees that they charge, you’d think that they could at least spring for photocopies.

So with our fees paid and enough paperwork to make the tree-lover in me cringe, we marched upstairs to get his ACR-I card sorted out. After The Husband was fingerprinted and had his photograph taken, we were told the card will be ready in two to three months. Again, considering the price and the effort we invested on this, you’d think they could get it ready quicker than that. Hell, we all KNOW it can be done quicker than that, but they’re too busy dilly-dallying. But hey, who are we to complain, right?

While we waited for them to do their thing, I asked the lady what the ACR-I card was for. She told me it would allow The Husband to go straight to the airport if we took a trip outside of the country, as opposed to having to go the Immigration office two weeks in advance to get an exit clearance. Naturally, my interest was piqued, what with our planned Hongkong trip in November. I pressed for more information, and found out that we had to pay a further P3000 for the said exit clearance! Oh. My. God. Do the fees ever stop in this place?

Well, apparently not. As we were getting ready to leave, we were asked for a further P200 as notarial fee! And that, my dear friends, was the proverbial icing on the cake.

We went home drained. We went home exhausted. We went home with a feeling that we’ve been violated somehow. I think it’s the same kind of feeling that rape and robbery victims must have after the fact. I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. Hell, it even felt like I suddenly lost a ton of weight in the most unhealthy way imaginable without the aid of weight loss pills! It was, hands down, one of the most unpleasant things that have ever happened to me and The Husband ever.

And so we were left with a ruined budget days before we’re scheduled to get paid again. Not only that, the Hongkong trip that we’ve been so terribly excited about will have to be postponed until January or so when that stupid ACR-I card manifests itself all because there is absolutely NO WAY that they’re going get another centavo off us for an exit clearance that we shouldn’t even have to pay for, if they could just move their lazy asses and do their jobs quicker.

I’m sorry, but if the idiots at Immigration (or any other government office, for that matter – not to mention the politicians in office) are any indication, it hurts me to have to say that the Philippines will never have a chance to amount to anything other than a Third World country whose biggest claim to fame is in being one of the most corrupt countries in the world. And as a Filipina who truly takes pride in the good things this country can offer, that makes me one very sad camper.

Owning a Mac is like raising a child. It requires expense after expense, not necessarily because it demands it, but because you always want what’s best for it. I thought my darling Gaius was a handful, but really, it had absolutely nothing on Octavian.

Octavian, by the way, is the Macbook Pro that I upgraded to a month after I got Gaius. Yes, I managed to work up the courage to tell The Husband, and yes, I really couldn’t help myself. Octavian is, without a doubt, the best laptop I’ve ever owned, and I’m completely in love with him, almost to the point of altar-worship.

But I digress. In the 4 weeks that I’ve had Octavian, I’ve bought accessory after accessory. And because Octavian IS a fabulous 13.3-inch Macbook Pro – the first of his kind – most of them do not come cheap.

Here’s the rundown of, umm, ‘damages’ . . . so far:

1. A pretty pink Sumdex laptop bag – P1,850 (approximate $38).

Now, I had a perfectly good laptop bag that I bought for Gaius. I couldn’t bear the thought of Octavian getting a hand-me-down bag from Gaius, however, so I convinced myself that it was not padded enough for skinny, little Octavian (which it really was), and sold it to Chin, who I am hoping is perfectly happy with it.

2. A scarlet CaseLogic laptop sleeve with a fantastic flower detail – P1499 (approximately $30).

I wanted to give Octavian in all his aluminum glory extra protection; hence, the sleeve. Now, I am completely aware that one can buy a perfectly functional sleeve somewhere between P100 (CDR-King) and P899 (the plain CaseLogic ones – no pretty flowers!), and I really was all set to go for the latter. However, I took one look at the red one with the flower in SM, and my self-control ran off, never to be seen again.

From time to time, in the dead of night when it behooves me to take stock of my life, I find myself wondering whatever possessed me at that very moment. But then I take one look at the beautiful scarlet sleeve and how good Octavian looks in it, and all is right with the world once again. Oh, and did I mention it was reversible?

3. A screen protector – P950.

I know, I know. One can get a screen protector for P100 (again) from CDR-King. In fact, I did get one for Gaius. The problem was that it was a DIY install, and it was so badly done that I didn’t want to risk it again.

So off I went to Digital Walker (Digital Hub in some places) in SM Cyberzone where I get a cool 10% discount, simply because I’m a member of the PhilMUG (Philippine Mac Users Group) forums. (I also bought Octavian from them, and Charlie, the owner, gave me discount of almost P11,000, which was a lot more than the usual 10%!) The guy in charge of the Cebu store personally installed my screen protector, and he did it so well that you won’t even know it’s there! There isn’t a single bubble or speck of dust trapped between the protector and the screen itself. I’ve never seen such a stellar screen protector installation in my life!

4. A silicon keyboard protector – P500 (about $10).

My life revolves around my laptop since I work 16 to 20-hour days with nary a weekend free. I even take meals with Octavian on my lap, which makes a keyboard protector an absolute necessity, myself being a scatterbrained klutz.

Thankfully, I found a keyboard protector from China on eBay that’s been made especially for aluminum unibody Macbook Pros. It features black keys on see-through silicon, so Octavian’s keyboard still gets to glow in all its prettiness. Plus, I don’t have to worry about spills and crumbs anymore!

5. A trackpad protector ($9.99) and a pretty logo ($4.99).

It has always been my intention to keep Octavian as bare as the day he was born (or at least, the day he was bought), but when I discovered SkinStyler, my resolve literally flew out the window. After all, how can I resist the oh-so pretty Apple logo of old on Octavian, instead of the newer and oh-so generic white one?

The trackpad protector was a bit of an afterthought. I figured if I was getting something shipped all the way from Malaysia, I might as well make the most of it. I’m very happy how it turned out, though. I didn’t go for the more colorful designs, even when I was sorely tempted to do so, because I figured it’ll look all wrong on Octavian’s original color scheme. The logo is ostentatious enough as it is.

6. A cooling pad – P280.

Because I have so much to do all the time, poor Octavian has to work almost non-stop every day. If he was a Windows-running laptop, he probably would’ve died of sheer exhaustion by now!

But again, I digress. Octavian does tend to get really hot when I run OS X and Windows on VMWare Fusion simultaneously, and I figured he needed a bit of help. I was initially all set to get me a Belkin cooler (P1500), but I’ve been assured that any cooling pad will work just fine. And because I’ve already spent quite a lot in less than a month, I figured it can’t hurt to get a cheap one.

I got a nice, compact, foldable one from Global Village, and so far, I’m very happy with it – at least, until I saw the same cooler in pink at CDR-King. I can’t justify getting another one right now, though, especially with a reason as trivial as color, so I’m sticking to this boring black one for the moment.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Octavian’s expenses are coming to an end. Since I bought the cooling fan, I now need a flat surface to put it on when I’m working on the couch. I have my eyes set on something called the iLap, but I’ve been told there’s a P600 CDR-King version, so I’m going to check that out. Right now, I’m just using Octavian’s box, and it’s so unfashionable, not to mention uncomfortable.

I also want to upgrade Octavian’s measly 160GB hard drive to 500 GB because I’m downloading so many movies and it’s filling up fast. And oh, I want to upgrade my DDR3 RAM from 2GB to 4GB for no particular reason other than I can and it sounds like a good idea. And I will also want another bag or two down the line because one can’t have too many laptop bags, after all.

I swear, if Octavian can go horseback riding, I’ll gladly buy him breeches. Heck, I’ll even send him to college, if he wasn’t so smart already.

Really, with a Mac, who needs children?