Goddess, I Am.

Gaius Julius Caesar’s grandfather, who was also called Gaius Julius Caesar (so was his father, FYI), killed himself with his own sword after being seriously ill for several months with some sort of throat malignancy. His colleagues in the Roman Senate found this extremely courageous.

I do, too. But then, I suppose it’s a lot easier to choose death over life when life meant lying on one’s own excrement and being a burden to one’s family. If I ever had something serious like, say, Mesothelioma cancer, I’ll probably do the same. I want to be kind to my family and kind to myself.

I’m not saying everyone should do this. After all, it’s still a matter of perspective.

No, don’t mind me; I’m just being morbid. Because I can on a rainy Friday afternoon.

Chin was asking me a couple of nights ago how I’m liking married life, and I must say, nearly two weeks of it have been, well, the same as it has always been.

Don’t get me wrong. I am enjoying being married. I find it oh-so thrilling to fill out forms with my married name and to tick off the ‘married’ boxes. I find myself saying ‘my husband’ every chance I get, usually followed by a fit of hysterical giggles. Most of all, I love it when he refers to me as his ‘wife’, again with even more giggles.

The thing is, though, we’ve been living together for nearly 15 months now, so, really, the home life is exactly the same as it was before. I still do the cooking, and he still does the cleaning (and the laundry). Sometimes I wonder if we’re missing something, perhaps that crucial ‘honeymoon phase’ everyone keeps raving about. But then, we’ve probably gone through the whole thing ages and ages ago, so I am not fussed.

What I am, though, is a woman obsessed about the future. I had my first HPV (anti-cervical cancer) shot a week ago because I didn’t want to make The Hub (giggle, giggle) a widower this early. I’m keeping a close eye on our savings, just to make sure that we have something put away for the rainy days and for our impending migration elsewhere. I think I’ll be looking at free insurance quotes next, or at least, health care plans.

In any case, I guess it’s a bit unrealistic to expect marriage – or any relationship, for that matter – to be fun and exciting all the time. In a perfect world, it will be, maybe, but not in this one.

One thing’s for sure, though: marriage is blissfully comfortable. I’ve had way, way, WAY too much fun and excitement throughout my entire single life, what with bad dates and even worse boyfriends – so much so that I’ve had friends telling me that it’s a shame I’m now married because they will miss living vicariously through my exploits.

Do I miss any of it? I can honestly say that I don’t and that I haven’t for a very, very LONG time. I welcome the predictability that married life is bringing on the table with a huge sigh of relief.

Thank heavens I married a ridiculously sexy man who never fails to make me laugh every day. Anyone less and I’ll probably be bored out of my eyeballs by now.