Goddess, I Am.

If you know me, you know that I’ve had a boner for vampires for as long as I can remember. (Said boner can put natural male enhancement to shame, which is saying a lot, considering I don’t even have a penis.) And because it’s almost Halloween and all, I figured I’d pay tribute to my favorite undead by sharing my five favorite male vampires of all time. (That, and I’ve got absolutely nothing to write about, tee hee.)

Number 5 – Sparkling and the name ‘Reneesme’ notwithstanding, I really do like the Twilight series. But no, you’re not going to find that Drama Queen Edward Cullen on this list. However, Jasper Hale is.

Why? Because he’s a bad-ass civil war hero with some mad fighting skills. Never mind that he looks constipated most of the time. At least, he doesn’t act like a freakin’ twink. And he is pretty cute.

Number 4 – Bill Compton. Honestly, who doesn’t love True Blood? But we all know the series won’t be half as good without Bill’s throaty, “Sookie. . .”

And that stare . . . Gaaahhhhhh!

On a side note, I was so happy when Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin got married. It’s not hard to imagine these two having a sex life as awesome as Bill and Sookie’s. It’s all in the chemistry, folks!

Number 3 – I can’t decide who I like playing him more – Tom Cruise, or Stuart Townsend. Either way, there’s no way Lestat de Lioncourt will not be on this list.

Lestat is the perfect vampire – both cold and passionate with a sense of humor. He’s also very much misunderstood, which makes it almost impossible not to love him.

Number 2 – He’s Roman and a vampire. What’s not to love about Marius de Romanus? He’s an old one, which is why I love him so. I like my vampires really old, like thousands-of-years old. They’re more awe-inspiring that way.

I was very disappointed that they changed his looks in the movie Queen of the Damned, so there’s no picture of him worth posting. But then, that movie was fairly screwed up from start to finish, anyway, so I guess making the blonde, fair Marius into a dark one made sense.

I would say Marius has the most fantastic history of all the vampires I’ve ever read about, which is why, until recently, he was my favorite vampire. Why the drop to number two? Blame . . .

Number 1 – Eric Northman. I swear, I go into spasms every time he’s in a scene on True Blood. The fact that he’s played by the extremely delish Alexander Skarsgård helps – or doesn’t, depending on how you look at it.

Apart from his sheer good looks, Eric is everything a vampire should be. He’s a little over a thousand years old, was a Viking king, and he can fly. I so want to be Sookie Stackhouse just so I’ll have Eric Northman crushing on me. Bill Compton can go fry in the sun, for all I care, tee hee.

Vampires are awesome, aren’t they? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find the perfect vampire-bait costume for Halloween.

I have a confession to make – I have never heard of Twilight until I started seeing the movie posters a couple of months back. And even then, I didn’t think much of it. I thought the vampire dude looked ridiculously gay and the girl was too plain. I never watched the movie, even when I found myself surrounded by hordes of giggling girls everywhere I went.

I wasn’t interested in the books, either, which was strange because I’m nuts about vampires – the Anne Rice ones, to be exact. But the whole Twilight hoopla was undeniable, and I decided that I could at least see what the fuss was all about.

So after a few well-timed hints and much traipsing around Fully Booked, I got what I wanted – all 4 of Stephenie Meyer’s books. I got Twilight and New Moon from The Fiance, and Eclipse and Breaking Dawn from my mother (there was obviously a conspiracy there).

As of this moment, I’m halfway through Twilight – and I’m now “unconditionally and irrevocably in love” with the book. And Edward Cullen. And the whole idea of a vampire lover. I’ve been swooning like a schoolgirl since the first page, and I practically jumped out of my skin (okay, the couch), giggling like mad, when Edward said, “But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.” on page 84, much to The Fiance’s shock.

Now I’m near tears because all the theaters are now showing those ridiculous Manila Filmfest nominees, and I can’t find Twilight anywhere. I’m absolutely devastated. Oh, what I would give to watch Edward Cullen on screen right now, gay-looking or not! Looks like it’s back to the ol’ torrent download for me.

Apart from the Twilight series, I had a pretty good haul this year. I got The Time Traveler’s Wife from my best friend, a back scratcher (don’t ask) and nightgown from my sister, and my yearly Starbucks planner from mum. The only thing missing is a Macbook from, well, anyone. Any takers? After all, hope springs eternal…

All in all, it was a lovely Christmas spent just chilling with the family. Now I must wrap this up. Edward (and tons of articles to write, ack!) awaits…