Goddess, I Am.

Barely a month ago, I was writing about my Jessica Simpson-esque weight gain, and have even gone as far as to attempt calorie-counting. Well, predictably, that didn’t work. Probably because my self-control is almost akin to Lindsay Lohan’s.

So here I was, almost resigned to the idea that I will never lose the excess poundage in time for the wedding, when I found out that my best friend (who has always had a perfect figure for as far as I can remember) was using a certain brand of weight loss pills.

Now, I was very iffy about going down this route because I didn’t want to have to deal with the usual icky side effects like diarrhea, or worse, uncontrollable oily discharge from somewhere I won’t even mention (I used Xenical back in 2007). She assured me, however, that there will be none of that. So, like a woman possessed, I found her eBay (where else?) supplier, read up on the specifics, called my mum to ask if she wanted any (she did), and placed my first orders.

From what I read about it, Pearl White Express Slim works by zapping the appetite. All I had to do was take a pill before breakfast and another before dinner, and I’ll be shedding pounds faster than anyone could say “diet!” Sure enough, I developed an aversion to food from day one. I felt full the entire day, and I literally had to force myself to eat even just a little for fear that I would simply collapse from the hunger that I never even felt.

Within a week (less, even), I lost about 5 pounds and a couple of inches on my waistline. This decrease has been steadily going on since – and I’m not even done yet! Those pairs of jeans that were worryingly getting much too tight were suddenly loose, almost baggy, and I ended up buying a new pair in size – drumroll, please – 26! Mind you, I haven’t been a 26 since college! The most defining moment, however, came about a week ago when I put on my favorite white shorts – the very same pair that was comfortably snug barely 2 weeks before – and the whole thing just slid off cleanly down what’s left of my hips. I was ecstatic, of course – even if it meant that I was officially suddenly in dire need of a new wardrobe!

I am now down to taking 1 pill every couple of days or so, and, thankfully, I still don’t have much appetite. I am now just eating out of obligation (and because The Fiance practically force-feeds me now) – which, I admit, is a bit frustrating at times because I have always loved to eat. I still do get cravings sometimes these days, but when I do indulge myself, I find myself stopping at a certain point because I simply can’t take in anymore. Even when I’m hell-bent on binging, I find myself a bit sick whenever I eat even just a tad more than what is now normal to me – a far, far cry from how much I used to eat (probably just a third of my food intake of old).

There really isn’t much to say about side effects. The only thing I could probably complain about is the mouth dryness, which is leading me to drink gallons upon gallons of water all day. I’ve always loved water, though, so I’m not really fussed.

Of course, there is always the question of health. Is it healthy to lose this much weight this fast? Are the pills even safe? I can’t answer these questions, so do think things over before you do something drastic like this. Better yet, ask your doctor.

I did suspect that those headaches I was complaining about had something to do with this regimen, but I think it was mostly because I was losing out on the vitamins and nutrients that I was normally taking in. I hardly eat these days, so they were obviously not getting replenished. That’s why I decided to start taking my vitamin supplements religiously – to somehow replace the good stuff that I was losing.

I’m hardly getting headaches these days, but I’m not sure if this is because of the supplements, or because I’ve cut down on the pills, or because I’ve been given permission to work from home indefinitely, or even because I am now wearing glasses. I probably will never know for sure.

I’ve never really been one to obsess about my weight because it’s been going up and down like a yo-yo for most of my adult life, so I have been, for the most part, quite used to it. I’ve always taken comfort in the fact that I never really get fat enough to be disgusting. In fact, even at my absolute heaviest, I have not once exceeded my normal body mass index (BMI).

Still, it does feel good to be skinny enough to wear the summer clothes that I like without wondering if I was trying too hard. I like being confident that I’ll look super great on my wedding and that I’ll turn heads at the beach again. Yes, skinny might be overrated. But I think I’ll live with that for quite a while, thank you very much!