Goddess, I Am.

Have you ever bought yourself something that you feel is the ultimate representation of everything you’ve ever worked hard for? Some people would buy homes; others, cars, boats, and airplanes. As for me? I bought myself a Macbook.

Everyone, say hello to Gaius Julius Caesar Dictator – or just, Gaius. (It’s a bit overdue, I know.

As you all know, I’ve been mooning over Macbooks for, well, FOREVER. Something always came up, however, so I never really got the chance to put away enough money to get one. Until a little over a month ago, that is; hence, Gaius.

I must say that Gaius is – hands down – THE best computer I have ever owned, not to mention the most beautiful. EVER. I was originally all set on getting the 13-inch Aluminum unibody, but decided at the last minute that I don’t need to shell out almost another $400 just to get features that I’m never likely to use, as I don’t edit videos or music or even pictures. My mum’s boss, who was in the US at that time, picked it up for me – from Circuit City, I believe – and was kind enough to haul it all the way back to the Philippines, so I got a pretty good deal for it, too. Besides, I still think that white Macbooks have the quintessential Macbook look and are heartbreakingly gorgeous.

I’ve invested on VMWare Fusion so I can run both Mac OS X and Windows XP applications on Gaius. Although I would prefer to turn my back on Windows forever, the software I use for spinning (my meal ticket these days) all run on Windows XP, so until the developers come up with Mac versions, I don’t really have much of a choice. The Windows XP installation runs on a virtual computer, so basically, I have two computers running running on one laptop. I’ve named my Windows virtual machine Lucius Cornelius Sulla . . . because I just can’t help myself.

For a while, Gaius was completely devoid of physical protection (apart from my oh-so cute laptop bag), so I guess it was a bad idea to take him on holiday in Boracay. I discovered a telltale discoloration and a slight scratch on a corner of Gaius’ lid for all and sundry to see, and I was in a right state of panic. I burst into tears and yelled at my poor husband who really was only trying to help. Yes, I do scare myself sometimes. But hey, it was a 2-week old Macbook (back then) AND it didn’t exactly cost me peanuts, so I still think my panic was well-founded.

I decided to pay iStore a visit when I got back to see if they had anything that could possibly help me with Gaius’ little problem. If not, I was getting ready to resign myself to the idea that I might have to get one of those laptop skins, or worse, those tacky crystal cases. Before I did, though, I did a bit of Googling, and I found out that the cleaning products they sold on Apple stores were, well, downright shitty, and that I was better off using anything from toothpaste to Staedler erasers. Our toothpaste, however, was green, and I was afraid I will only succeed in turning Gaius into The Hulk. We eventually tried the erasers – and lo and behold! It worked! Now Gaius is as gorgeous as new, and I’m the proud momma once again.

I’ve learned my lesson, however, and have now invested in all manners of Macbook protection. I now have a screen protector, a silicon keyboard cover, and I will forever and ever probably keep a Staedler eraser handy. I’m also looking for the prettiest laptop sleeve I can find. As much as possible, I do want to keep Gaius the way he is – white and naked the way God and Apple intended him to be.

One thing’s for sure: Gaius has made a die-hard Mac fan out of this girl. And I’m not going to say anything definite right now, but if I really can’t help myself, he’s going to get upgraded into a Pro very, very soon.

Damn, these Macs are addictive!

I’ve been trying to rack my very tired brain, thinking of something decent to write – anything from the life span of a tree frog, to Outer Banks rentals – but I’ve found out that one can’t be clever when one is sleep-deprived and cranky. So I’ve decided to write about the most mindless thing that I can possibly think of right now: this season’s American Idol.

This week saw Scott McIntyre finally given the boot. I’ve been saying it for weeks: he should have been eliminated early on because he was probably one of the show’s weakest contestants. Even so, I think it was probably the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever witnessed. After all, I am not such a heartless bitch to gloat over a blind guy’s elimination. And he did have his moments, mind you. I will forever remember him as the blind guy who Ryan Seacrest (futilely) tried to high-five.

Ryan Seacrest’s Defining Moment

Now, this is a bit late, considering that this year’s top 13 has been whittled down to 7 with the precision of an advancing Roman legion (sorry, I still can’t get the Roman stuff out of my system), but I am going to give my two cents’ worth on the rest of the contestants. All 13 of them (in no particular order). Because I feel like it. So deal with it.

1. Allison Iraheta.

She was definitely one of my early favorites. I can never forget her version of Alone by Heart, which, as we all know, got her past the top 36. She gave me goosebumps because she was that awesome. And to think she’s only 16.

I personally think she’s the only female contestant who actually has a shot (albeit a slim one, thanks to Adam Lambert) at winning AI this year.

2. Adam Lambert.

I do not doubt even for one second that he may actually will win AI this year. He’s overrated, yes, but he does have talent. As far as performers go, the guy is a genius. He has proven week after week that he can make any song his own. That includes his oh-so strange rendition of Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire – a performance that actually left me, umm, very confused.

He also has tons of personality and quite a flair for dramatics. He is everything that an AI winner should be, which is slightly unfair to everyone else because he does have several years of theater training to back him up. I don’t necessarily love him – and he’s definitely not my favorite – but I do admire him plenty.

His performance of Mad World by Tears for Fears this week had me swooning over a gay guy, imagine. Simon Cowell even gave him a standing ovation. Really, they might as well end the whole show early and name him the winner because we all know that’s what they want to happen.

3. Michael Sarver.

So-so singer, so-so looks, so-so personality. I think the only mildly interesting thing about him is the fact that he works for an oil rig in Texas and he looks oh-so fatherly. I was rooting for him during eliminations because I completely admired his background and thought how cool it would be if a roughneck won AI. After that, I completely forgot about him, which was inevitable, considering the stellar talents of some of the other finalists. Apparently, so did America because he was the fourth person to get the boot.

4. Danny Gokey.

Also another guy I was rooting for during eliminations, but stopped liking now. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a great singer, and his voice is probably one of the best there is. The problem is he tries too hard, and from what I could read of his demeanor, I think he’s starting to think he’s hot stuff.

The judges, however, love him most of the time (this week’s performance was horrible, and they still liked it!). I think it’s this partiality that makes him Adam Lambert’s most serious threat. I still don’t like him. In fact, I hate him more every week.

5. Jorge Nuñez.

I personally think Jorge was eliminated too early. He was one of the two contestants given the boot in the first elimination round. I think the judges completely manipulated the rest of America to vote him out because his performance that night wasn’t as bad as, say, Anoop Desai’s (more on him in a bit). It was so-so, yes, but it wasn’t bad, and I personally think there were at least a couple of other contestants that deserved the elimination more than he did that night. It would’ve been nice to see more of what he could do.

6. Anoop Desai.

He is definitely my second least favorite contestant. I think he’s ugly, but he seems to be one of those guys who think they’re more good-looking than they really are. His voice is bland, and his performances are annoying. He’s like one of those Indians/Pakis who pretend to be black.

And that’s not the worse of it. He has a monobrow so thick that he probably has to shampoo it every morning. He should’ve been eliminated instead of Jorge that night because he definitely deserved it. I wish to God America will just stop voting for him. But then, considering the number of Indians spreading like flies all over the US (like they do everywhere else), I’m not surprised why he’s still there, week after week.

Still, I do hope next week will be his last. A girl can dream, right?

7. Alexis Grace.

This is another contestant that was wrongly eliminated because Anoop was still around. Although she never would’ve won, she was still quite good. She was also very pretty. Too bad her song choices didn’t do her justice. If she was just given a chance to stick around longer, she probably would’ve been great.

8. Megan Joy.

The other pretty blonde girl in the contest. I love, love, loved Megan. I was very surprised when she didn’t make it through the top 36 elimination because she did Corinne Bailey Rae’s Put Your Records On really, really well. Thankfully, the judges picked her in the Wild Card round.

Megan probably had the most unique voice in the contest. I loved the jazzy/bluesy thing that she had going on. Unfortunately, such a voice meant that there were very few songs that she could actually get away with.

Admittedly, her last two performances – and song choices – were pretty bad, but I personally think that the judges were pretty hell-bent on getting rid of her way before that. She was given pretty bad feedback for her version of Michael Jackson’s Rockin’ Robin early on when I think it was really, really quite good. And she knew it, too. She knew exactly that they wanted her out, so she pretty much threw the judges’ BS back in their faces as a last hurrah. The girl definitely had moxie.

9. Scott McIntyre.

He’s blind, so I think he got sympathy votes aplenty. To be fair to the guy, though, he can sing, play the piano AND guitar, and has a sense of humor. I’m still heartbroken for him. He probably needed this contest more than anyone else.

10. Lil Rounds.

She’s so . . . typical. She has one of those typical big-black-girl voices that gets quite tedious after awhile. And I’m not saying this meanly or anything, but, really, her ass is HUUUUGE! It’s astonishing.

Oh, and she seems to be choosing the wrong songs week after week, which, I believe, is really starting to annoy the judges, so she’s definitely not their golden girl anymore. Here’s hoping she goes soon. After Annoying Anoop, that is.

11. Matt Giraud.

Sometimes he’s good, sometimes he’s not. But really, I couldn’t care less about him.

Don’t get me wrong. He does sound awfully good, most of the time. It’s just that I think he’s trying too hard to be Justin Timberlake. They actually do kind of sound alike. He has the piano thing going on, and, if I remember correctly, the dancing is pretty similar, too. He also dresses like JT, hat and all. But probably the weirdest thing is they actually do kind of look alike. (Can anyone say, “copycat?”)

Of course, JT looks a hundred times better, naturally. I would say that Matt is the poor man’s version of Justin Timberlake – which really makes him about as special as my toe clippings. Oh, and he has abnormally huge thighs – a fact that was pointed out to me by my sister, of which I completely agree.

12. Jasmine Murray.

If Anoop is my second least favorite, Jasmine is definitely the one who gets the top spot. Why? Let’s see. She can’t sing. At all. She was forever trying to sing songs that were much too big for her, so I could not, for the life of me, understand why the judges picked her during the Wild Card round.

Thankfully, we didn’t have to endure much of her as she was eliminated right after the first round (along with Jorge). Ahhhh . . . American Idol still does make sense sometimes.

13. Kris Allen.

Naturally, I have saved my favorite contestant for last.

I’ll be the first person to admit that I’ve never noticed him before. When he won a slot in the top 13 over Megan, I was like, “huh?” I couldn’t even remember what he did to deserve that.

Once he was in the top 13, however, it was hard to look away from him. The man is insanely gorgeous in a boy-next-door kind of way. But his smile isn’t the only thing that is getting my heart atwitter, mind you. The man can really, really, REALLY sing (and play the guitar and the piano)! Seriously, he seems to be going from strength to strength each week, which means that he might actually be someone who can seriously challenge Adam, Danny, and Allison for the top spot. Admittedly, his last performance wasn’t up to his usual standards, but I’m sure he’ll do tons better next week and the weeks to come, all the way up to the finals.

Ah yes, I am definitely crushing on Kris Allen, especially after he sang Bill Withers’ Ain’t No Sunshine last week, much to The Fiance’s chagrin. I suppose it’s a good thing that he’s happily married, or else I might decide to marry him instead. (Just kidding, hon. You know you are the love of my life (and the pain in my ass). )

All in all, I’m glad shows like American Idol exist. It’s exactly the sort of mindless entertainment that I need to unwind and cheer up my cranky brain.

And speaking of which, I’m off to bed. But before that, I’ll leave you with some of my favorite performances (so far) this season:

Allison Iraheta’s Alone

Adam Lambert’s Mad World

Megan Joy’s Walkin’ After Midnight

Kris Allen’s Ain’t No Sunshine

I honestly don’t know what I’ll do without online shopping. I discovered it fairly early back in the days when having a Pentium 3 computer was the height of cool and we had dial-up connection that worked slower than Nicole Scherzinger’s brain cells. I can still remember using my mum’s credit card (I had a supplementary account) to order silly things like signed posters of the Spice Girls and “authentic” katanas. Luckily for me, no one shipped to the Philippines back then, so not only did I save my mother a few hundred dollars, I probably saved myself from a lifetime of being grounded.

Fast forward to a few years later. People in the west have now realized that the Philippines actually has real people that use (gasp!) computers, so one can now buy just about anything under the sun as long as one is willing to pay for ridiculous shipping costs and customs charges and wait for weeks (sometimes even months) to get one’s parcel. This is how The Fiance gets his Blu-ray movies.

I must say I totally admire the man’s patience. I, for one, will be climbing the walls by the second day; hence, why I prefer to do my online shopping on some of the local websites. As long as I pay early in the day and bug the seller senseless to ship before the courier’s cut-off time, it’s guaranteed that I’ll get it bright and early the next day. (And mind you, I’ve only been let down a couple of times.)

How true is it, though, that folks in the U.S. are getting their stuff delivered within minutes? I saw this video promoting an online site with an overenthusiastic Howie Mandel and a very amused little old lady named – wait for it! – Gay.

So a strange man (Howie) knocks on Gay’s front door and she actually lets him in, use her computer to order a smoothie maker, and lie on her kitchen counter. Then somewhere between the actual sale and him admiring her light fixtures, someone’s at the door again with – you guessed it! – said smoothie maker. And it doesn’t end there. Gay, displaying the best of American hospitality, even makes him a smoothie on the spot!

Farfetched or not, I think the video shows exactly how endless the possibilities of online shopping are. Although The Fiance will probably still have to wait several days for his imported movies, I can at least expect the sewing machine I ordered on behalf of my sister to turn up within the hour.

It does, indeed, sound super cool – in theory. For all I know, it might only work with Howie hyperventilating in my kitchen. If that’s the case, I think I can wait a day or two.

We’ve made some rather serious decisions over the past few days about the life that we’re going live together. Sure, living in the Philippines is easy, but truth be told, it’s almost impossible to make serious money around here. The same goes for the rest of Southeast Asia. So we’ve finally realized (or more accurately, agreed) that if we’re going to have a little nest egg to retire on in 20 years or so, we need to live in the West.

The easiest way would be to get married, of course. Then he can go back to the UK and find work, while I get the proper visas. With any luck, I’ll be in London in 6 months or less. But nothing ever sounds that easy (as if it would be easy to be away from him for months). For one thing, the world economy is in a bad state, so heaven only knows what sort of difficulties a returning British citizen might encounter back home. For another, The Fiance is completely averse to moving back to the UK anyway because Eastern Europeans who work for peanuts are taking the good jobs and all the benefits. We figured the UK would be a last resort.

Instead, we decided not to rely on just one place and weigh our options literally everywhere. Our best chance would be anywhere in the EU, and we’re leaning heavily towards the Netherlands (where my best friend, Kaye is). We also want to look into Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and maybe even the US (though I’m very skeptical about America, to be honest).

So it looks like we’re going to be busy, busy, busy within the next few weeks with assessments and point systems and what-have-yous. We’re also going to start working on the paperwork needed to get married (who knew there would be so many?!?!) so we can do it sometime in March. There’s a lot of uncertainty in the future, but I feel really good knowing that we’re doing something about it.

Wherever we go, I’m going to have to convince The Fiance to part with his gear for a while. It would be much too costly to ship everything out again – a hell of a lot more than the small fortune that we already paid to ship from Bangkok to Cebu. Maybe we can sell them all and just buy new stuff later when we’re more settled, or put everything in self storage – I don’t know yet.

One thing’s for certain: if we’re going to move, we have to be willing to leave a lot of things behind.

My new job has me helping kids write their college application essays for US universities (yes, no local medical assistant training schools for these fellas!). These are rich kids with hefty trust funds, yes, but they’re also kids who want to make something out of their lives. It’s fun helping them write their essays because their lives are so incredibly colorful and interesting. Most of them are still about to start their senior year in high school, but they’ve already accomplished so many things that most adults will never be able to achieve in their lifetimes. It made me think about myself in high school and what I was up to, which was pretty much no good. Here’s how my college essays would’ve looked like if I had the same opportunities as they do.

Intellectual Interests Essay:

I like to think of myself as a student of the world, not of the classroom. Because of this self-styled belief, learning in school has never been my ‘thing’. I was too busy trying to stay awake to make heads and tails of the Pythagorean Theorem, or how Magellan got his ass kicked in Mactan. But that is not to say that I didn’t learn anything in high school. Au contraire. If anything, I learned things that were far more valuable than mathematical formulas, or the life of Jose Rizal.

Probably the most important lesson I learned was that I didn’t necessarily need to listen in class to pass my exams. Instead, I just needed to read through my textbooks’ table of contents at the very last minute. This technique was so effective, in fact, that I was always the first to submit my test paper for checking. I never got perfect scores, but I never failed either. Sometimes, however, there are isolated cases wherein such a technique is ineffective. In these cases, I found that a teeny-tiny piece of paper and a very fine pencil will come in handy. Of course, it helps to have 20/20 vision.

During my junior year, I went through a phase of enthusiasm for my classes; two, in particular. I loved chemistry class and the incredibly complex experiments that it demanded. These were so complicated, in fact, that me and my friends spent the whole time huddled around a Bunsen burner, having intelligent discussions on the latest news from the Backstreet Boys or Hanson. I also started looking forward to mid-morning Social Studies when the teacher would lock the door and let us do our thing. He had a hernia, you see, and therefore had more important things in his mind than teaching disinterested teenagers the Law of Supply and Demand. That year, I learned the economic differences of having three players in a game of tong-its (a card game) instead of two.

Lastly, I learned that laughing at my English teacher for mispronouncing words was a very good way to get myself sent to the principal’s office, which was almost always empty. I also learned that serving Chinese takeaway in my Home Economics cookfest was likely to give me a reputation of being a very fine cook. Most of all, I learned that I couldn’t reach my toes in Phys.Ed – and I never will.

Describe an experience that shaped you as a person.

During my freshman year, I was chosen to be one of the two representatives of my class for the Miss United Nations ’95 beauty pageant. I won first runner-up – quite a mean feat for someone so young. The Miss UN and I then represented the high school department for the university-wide pageant. I didn’t win. I did, however, catch the audience’s attention after I almost burned another candidate’s traditional Filipino headdress with the traditional Filipino candles that were part of my traditional Filipino ensemble. I was also the youngest contestant to have ever joined that pageant, and I developed a campus queen complex.

A few months later, my class staged a fashion show for our Home Economics class, a very well-attended event. I was the star of the show, appearing in the bridal finale as the bride “marrying” one of my classmates who was transformed from a pimpled adolescent to an over-foundationed groom. I was confident that I would win the “Best Model” award. Much to my surprise and chagrin, however, the award was given to one of my classmates. I had barely left the stage when I started getting hysterical. I was the Miss UN first runner-up and I represented my department in the school-wide pageant, so I should have won Best Model, too!

I was humiliated and inconsolable for days. I only realized later that I humiliated myself even more by reacting that way. I realized that I was a sore loser, and this has shaped me into the person that I am today. I’ve learned that I shouldn’t let my ego get ahead of myself. I’ve learned that I should at least appear to be modest – even when I’m not. Most importantly, I’ve learned never to join a beauty pageant ever again. Of course, it helps that I haven’t grown an inch since.

How can you contribute to the institution’s diversity? Describe a situation where this contribution was applied.

My high school department was tiny; so small, in fact, that we only had one class for each of the four levels. I was my class’ designated songbird. Whenever there was a singing contest, I took center stage. I wasn’t particularly good, but there was no one else courageous enough to volunteer in my stead, so I had to do it.

Without fail, I always placed third out of four contestants – which pretty much meant that I was the second worst singer of the bunch. That was fine, though, because at least I wasn’t the absolute worst. Besides, they gave prizes until third place, so in my four years of high school, I accumulated a healthy collection of staplers and Stabilo Boss highlighters.

My singing days ended soon after when my voice broke for no apparent reason. I now sing in screeches and wails. I could still very much carry a tune, however, and with rather shocking accuracy. Suffice to say, I am one of the best bad singers I know, and I could definitely contribute to the university’s diversity this way. After all, there can only be too many good singers, and even more bad ones. By being a good bad singer, I’m offering your good institution the best of both worlds.

Ahhh, yes. Definitely Harvard or at least Princeton material…if I do say so myself.